The unmistakable high-pitched voices of the munchkins chimes in my head like a broken record forever playing with a subliminal message, that has long since been discovered, EVEN BEFORE I KNEW MYSELF TO BE THE WITCH I LOVE TO HATE, AND HATE TO LOVE.
Every time I feel a clearing happening in my life, I revert back to the memory of the shrinking legs curling under the house, as all the wee little people celebrate the passing of the “evil one” thinking to myself which role am I? Or when the lifting of the veil reveals not a mysterious powerful wizard, but a mere mortal man behind the curtain, empowering me with my own un-certainty, and clarity. Almost like living in a moment of two emotions clashing. Laughter through tears, or Tears through happiness.
Ding dong the “Witch” is dead, in the land of Oz; also known as Misty’s head..
And even though The Land of Oz may so seem far away. In reality it’s only a few steps away from a long short cliff, known as the bus of insanity..
Suddenly it dawns on me.. We aint in KANSAS ANYMORE DOROTHY
These statements cant be any more true, then it is today. I have watched as the energy, literally is reshaped into something else on a dime. Like an angel turning into a demon, into a swan, and back into nothingness, as if it never existed. As if its presence alone, regardless of its face, was its meaning, and need not be understood in any other way. My human eyes and senses can barely keep up, almost like I am watching a movie in fast motion, seeing only glimpses, and translating it to feeling, as the universe foreshadows the next chapter
At times it feels like the un-certainty of not knowing can be so consuming, and at other times, it feels as if it the bridge to something more powerful. I have always had this feeling even as a child, that the breadcrumbs were everywhere to lead me back home. But now I don’t even look for the breadcrumbs, they come to me, and the breadcrumbs arent crumbs anymore. They are big oversized loaves of bread being thrown at me from some unknown force, screaming “get the picture”
As of lately nothing gets by me.. I know when things are about to change, and what’s going to happen before it does. I can feel it brewing, its is the ethers. Just when I’m about to dismiss it as something as trivial as fear or paranoia, the universe steps in and validates this feeling with a message, either in full-blown R.E.M. sleep or in a day-dream, wide awake. Well as wide awake as I can possibly be, without having one step in another world, that is. Literally what message I receive today, shows up in my life in a tangible way in the next. Such as how I was standing in the massage room, thinking how the manager of seven years would never leave this place, unless she was to move to another state, and lo and behold, three days later, it gets announced during a meeting, that in fact she is moving to Texas. The Greeks did say “Paranoia is ony Heightened Perception”
I feel invincible, and humbled at the same time, as if I am merely just a current of waves, riding against rock and stone. That it matters not what opposes me, or can be feasibly seen as good or bad, but that I am just the wave of water.
“Be like Water” Bruce Lee coined the phrase, and its suggestion is more relevant to me now, than it ever was. For to be like water, seemed like an impossibility, very much like the Reiki Principles of Today do not be angry.. Yeah right, good luck with that one.. It’s a principle for a reason, something we want to reach, but it remains always superior to us, because the impossibility of reaching it isn’t realistic.
I feel like spirituality at the heart of it, is very much like “Sesame Street” its great to learn from it, but eventually we need more than just the basic principles. That yes there must be a basis, but even that core base, must be disturbed. Today I spoke with my Reiki Master for many hours, as we always do with our weekly phone calls, recounting some of the strange dynamics we encounter on a daily basis. And her consensus was the same as mine. She has felt many obstacles come upon her, even feeling at times, that her physical endurance will not keep up with the emotional. Watching change after change occur in her life, and being the voice of that change, as everything filters through her.
She who walked away from her job of ten years to embark upon a new one, is feeling the uncertainty in the air, but realizing the un-certainty is only leaving room for change, and how her only job in this world, is to be adaptable to every change, without holding on to anything. That was made clear to me as well in a dream I had last night, that came to me more like messages or words, and not visions. I heard this voice say to me, when you embrace death, without fear of holding on to anything, this is when you clearly do not need this world. I did not know what to think of it, as it was not death, in the physical of me dying. But more like letting go of everything, and feeling the peace of what death would mean( peace in this world) I attributed this feeling from the death of my partners nephew, which happened only last week. He was ten years of age when he passed from this world, but to me, far older than his physical body would indicate. He had such an impact on me, because two years ago when he first was diagnosed with the cancer, I performed a healing on him.
During the healing, I heard the message of the energy indicate for me to back off. To not interfere in any way with this little boys journey. It was something I had never encountered in all the years I had performed Reiki, and honestly was flabbergasted. It was during this time I began to understand the layering of energy, and how healing or trying to do so, is not what the situation called for. This is when the principles, became vague, and unclear for me, as I had to watch this boy suffer with pain, and refusing any time the mother asked or insinuated for me to do energy work .
I was even more taken back, as this little boy revealed to me, that he had imagined for many years what it would be like to have cancer. How can a little boy possibly even think of such things, and to see it manifested in the physical as more than just a childs vivid imagination? It was clear to me, I was in the presence of something special. For it did not weigh heavily on him at all, that he had cancer, and could die from it. He was completely detached from what the conclusion represented, and I was in awe of his knowing and understanding. I was told as I worked on him, that this boy will die. He will beat the first round of cancer, go into remission, and then have it again, three times worse than he had it before. I waited, sat back and watched, as the very dynamics foretold to me two years ago, did happen. And at times it was unbelievably frustrating for me, to watch, as the mother kept investing so much energy into fixing him, or healing him.
There was a big wedge between her and I. And i could feel her judging me for not healing him, and me judging her for continuing to hold on to something that only wanted to let go. Two days before he died, I received a dream, for telling me that soon I would get the call, within two to three days. I don’t know why I needed to know that. Perhaps it was to reiterate to my partner the severity of the situation, so that he would convey the information to his father in Virginia, who would have been on a plane long before Christmas, had his daughter not been in so much denial about her son. Or maybe it was because I needed to make the phone call to the distressed mother, asking how he was, because when we visited him on Christmas Eve, according to her, the cancer was shrinking and he was doing fine. It’s amazing to me how it’s so difficult to separate what seems like hope, and denial, when facing such situations. How does one really act? Do you give in to the reality that your child will die, or do you push it aside, so as to prevail in the miracle?
I feel like I was put to the test. That Misty the fixer, the healer, the sympathetic one, had to be put down, so as to embrace a different role, (the observer)
That I was to love this child,making an investment in the relationship knowing he would die, but not being attached to the conclusion of death. And from this lesson, or test, I am now being trusted with more information. The only downfall is sometimes that “more information” can sound like the ravings of a lunatic parading in my head. And it’s not something you can so willingly share with others, without them looking at you like your some kind Witch that should be burned at the stake.. Suddenly the past memories of me being chased down by angry mobs with pitch forks comes flashing back at me. No joke, I do remember what I once was, and still am today.
So I keep silent, as the energy tells me not to speak, just yet, and only to wait. To let go of any attachment I may have, and to trust. I feel embraced, and nurtured every step of the way. And I don’t know, until a friend of mine puts into words. I was faced with a confrontation recently, in which I did not react, and felt the humility of myself in doing so. As I explained to my friend what occurred, she laughed.. Saying don’t they know, that Misty never has to do anything, because Misty works for the big boss, (the universe) Misty doesnt do anything for herself. She puts her life in the hands of the universe every step of the way, and is always protected, even if it appears to the onlookers she is up shit creek without a paddle.
I laughed because it was so true. And she could only recognize this in me, because she does the same. I am also not afraid to ask the universe to provide, when I am providing what it wants. I say god where do you want me to be. And if hell is where you want me, then you provide the ice. If you want me to do these 23 Massages this week, then you better give me enough energy to do so. And it does. It’s like everytime I feel things becoming so hard, I feel it lighten, so as to take the next step. If you want me to back off and watch this child die in pain, then give me the tools to deal with it. If you ask of me as a human to not think like a human, then you need to equip me with the tools to deal with it like a spiritual being. Much like Jesus exclaiming “father why have you forsaken me”
We are all moving in this direction.. Call it the Christ Conciousness, The Awakening, The Ascension, however you wish to define it. Everything is so sped up to demonstrate the power in our surrender. That the more we hang on to anything, as we move down the rivers current, the more uncomfortable we will be. But when we surrender, the universe still moves us down the current, but provides a glass of ice tea when we are thirsty, and some sun block if we ask not to be burned in the daily sun. We are moving into the next layer of conditioning of detachment. For it matters not if we lose our jobs, our house, our loved ones, we will always be supported. When we kill the “Witch” recognizing we are the”Witch”
Ding dong the “Witch” is dead.. But she aint so wicked.. She is just like the man behind the curtain, recognizing the only power she has is just to go with it.
Radiance By Misty Dawn 