It was Depak chopra who said “All great change, is proceeded by chaos. It was the Dali Lama who said “to go to war can only be rationalized by the mind, but of the heart it cannot, creating a divide, in which the war is now within” It was Neal Donald Walsh who said “guilt is someting we feel from doing something we orginally felt good about”
I could go on, but you get the point. In the plethera of spirtual masters and gurus, we have an assortment to choose from to justify every action we take and do not take, and to give guidance and understanding of where we currently find ourselves in our lives. The boggling part being which action to take. Should we be of peace, turning the other cheek, or creating change that leads to the chaos, voiding out any peaceful opportunity? Should we be bold or soft, loud or mute, fearless, or tread carefully? Well all great change does come with chaos, a chaos that we are not so willing to accept, for fear that our efforts of peace within will be jolted. And what is left if we cannot find peace?
{ prozac, pot, alcohol, zanax, sex, chamomile tea, valerian root, another self help book, another class, another guru, leader, president, food, tv, affair, music, meditation, yoga..}
All ways to go within, and decompress from the ways of the world. Yes we can bridge the seperation gap with the unity of having friends who share in our love of pot smoking, alchol indulging, meditation gathering, and politics. But the alcoholics know those who are alcholics, and the pot smokers, smoke another bong together, and the spiritual enthusiasts share with those who they see to be loving. When do we see that is all the same? Sure we can say one is the less evil of the next, but still if you take a dirty shirt and turn it inside out, does that make it any less dirty? How many times can one turn the coin seeing it from another perspective, until reaching the conclusion it is still a coin? And better yet to find it all so daunting from having to twist it, embrace it, surrender, take it apart, put it back together, let it fall, hold it together, justify it, before wanting to blow it up.
We have every self help book out there, telling us about the toxicity of people, and how we being energy beings, can feel peoples energy, and ours as well as it is being drained by the “energy vampire” and we must protect ourselves by buying a crystal or burn sage, and better yet use energy shields. Oh and by the way LOVE YOURSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE., CAUSE WELL LOVE WINS. DOES THIS SOUND VERY LOVING TO YOU?
Maybe it is me who has been smelling the fumes of the coffee in my kitchen for far too long, to BELIEVE THAT THIS IS LOVE, AND FIND IT ALL VERY CONTRADICTIVE MISLEADING AND OFFER LITTLE TO NO GUIDANCE, BUT MORE SMOKE AND MIRRORS. That to deem another as less loving than yourself,or to see yourself as more, has little to do with love, but the justification you need in fueling your own purpose, whatever that purpose may be. That love goes far deeper than just a ploy to attain more love. The all seeing eye of the universe knows this.
Maybe it is me who is just over it. Not over it, as feeling depressed or lacking any joy, but over it in the sense of buying into the fragmented parts sold as whole pieces. Yet we buy into the set up, and even help to mass produce it, trying to reach for some inner empowerment. An empowerment that is empty and fleeting, until we are ready to assume full responsibility. Love yourself.. Well what if you do, until something or someone gives you reason to doubt that love within. And is that doubt clouded with guilt, from the love you have of another, or the lack of love within yourself?
And what is guilt really? Is it something we originally felt good about, or something that charges us with emotion so as to own our responsibility that not all things that feel good in the moment, are good. And not all things that feel bad, are indeed bad. Somewhere in our own psyche we know this, otherwise there would be no introspection.
Is it your arrogance, your stubborness, your pride, self esteem, lack of self esteem, humility, narcisism. All the things we cling to in the idenity we create, to be known in this world, that does not allow us to see the ploy. And what is this idenity fueled by, but the lust of power and knowledge. That in our quest of knowledge, and power we have become slaves, in not neccesarily what we believe, but what we are told to believe. WE ARE THE MATRIX AND WE ARE IN IT.. One does not have to look far enough to conclude this. By just a little trip to your local department store, you will see the illusion of choice, as average women, of size 8 or 9 bypass all the imaged sized models, that in all standards should be anorexic, plastered all over the labels of their jeans. We can say go within, and not without, and the peace you seek, the love you desire will be waiting. Yes it will.. But the last time I checked we still have to live in a world where someone elses success is at the comparison of someone elses failure. WE still have to live in a world where the power of money dictates someone elses worth. Where a prostiute is frowned upon, but a woman who marries to a good provider is the envy of all women. Where the hypocricy and the lie of it all is still one we cannot escape from. And that no matter how much we go within, we cannot go without what is already there. That no matter how many times we plead the mantra of I am happy, I am peaceful, the universe will just not let us fake the lie.
This is the place i have reached, and even though I surround myself with loving people, remaining positive despite what is thrown at me, I still cannot avoid what I feel in other peoples hearts. Its all one big illusion, but what is real is the simplicity of just loving. We all want to be loved, it is at the core of everything we do. We all want to be loved, and accepted as we are, but somewhere along the lines it has become about what is not in someones heart, but the mask they parade. As I talk to others who feel the pressure escalating, as if they can barely hold on to the life they are living, it becomes very clear that everyone is on the brink of change. Some are getting divorced in every way, taking up complete new career paths new friends, lovers, and changing their dietary habits. Others feeling the frustration, as they have woken up from a dream they were once living, only to have someone tell them they are lost. I like others, look at this, and believe it is not we are lost, but that something powerful beyond measure is unfolding, and wait for the heavens to open to show us the way. That it matters not who is the bitch, the ass, the druggie, who is to blame who is not, as we all are. They, like me are so ready to be above it all, removed from the story, to not feel the heaviness of it all. They too who see a universal shift occurring, and knowing that if there is one who still clings to the idenity in which they are in this world, that is the world in which they will reside in. That we, as man itself do not have to do anything, to make the seperation, and the unity, but that your own internal sheer conciousness will. It will be at the hands of other hands uniting, that will weed out those who still thrive on an idea, an illusion. To unite heaven with earth, with the opening of our hearts, and lack of duality. You know the one we created when we needed to know what it meant to know.( That proverbial apple..)
I WAIT FOR THAT DAY, WHERE THE PETTY SQUABBLES, AND JUDGEMENT IS WASHED AWAY FROM US. TO SEE THAT EVERY MAN WITH WHO THEY ARE, AND THE TOOLS THEY HAVE DO THE BEST THEY CAN. AND REGARDLESS WE LOVE THEM ALL THE SAME. I WAIT FOR THE DAY WHEN A MAN WITH TITLE AND POWER IS AS EQUAL TO A BUM ON THE STREET. THAT WE ALL UNITE FROM LOVE AND NOT JUDGE WHAT IS LIGHT OR DARK OR DEMON TO ANGEL. THAT IT IS ALL LOVE. AND JUST BE.. WHERE IT ALL GETS TURNED UPSIDE DOWN.. WHERE TEARS ARE AN ACT OF STRENGTH AND FEELINGS ARE NEITHER CONSIDERED GOOD OR BAD.
Until then I will just keep meditating, keep breathing, singing, believing, help when I can, and dance to the beat of a drum, that is my own heartbeat. Speak my truth, regardless of how another perceives it to be. To know that every action I take will be from love, and if it is not, to know that the universe will show me the way. But what I do know is this.. We all have to stop crucifying one another, and accept our own blame, as we have created it. And we are in this together. We have to stop believing the lie of good and bad, more and less, to see it all equal.
Radiance By Misty Dawn 