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Yesterday on Easter morning, I awoke with the calling that I was to go to Church. My partner was shocked as I announced to him I would be attending early morning services,and invited him to come.  His comment although truthful and arrogant did have some merit to it.  He said..

I don’t want to go to church to be surrounded by “Spiritual Wanna Be’s”

Now keep in mind we have attended many Spiritual Festivals, Workshops, and Spiritual Gatherings. In this day and age to find something that hasn’t been said a million times or tired and worn with Spiritual Dogma, is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. So in that regard I saw the truth in his statement.

For indeed most who to attend church are usually looking for spiritual direction.  But  on the other hand as a whole we are all “Spiritual Wanna-Be’s” in search for ways to walk the path we are talking.

We all want guidance in some way, and to assume ourselves as being more than anyone, is the guidance we are lacking. So I simply laughed at his statement understanding his testament, but not taking it on as my own, and drove away, leaving my entire family behind to observe this day in their own way.

As I walked in I was pleasantly surprised by the old familiar faces who greeted me. Most had attended meditations I facilitated, classes I taught, or were old clients who came into my store Radiant Spirit. It indeed felt good to be missed and loved by those faces who after all these years still knew me to be “Misty Dawn” Some simply hugged me, whereas others had to tell me how much of an impact I made in their lives from a reading, a counseling session, or simply a class they attended. I graciously accepted all the love I was receiving, and said thank you, taking countenance of a moment I was standing in.

There was an electric feeling in the air, as if a theatrical event was waiting to commence. The church pews were filled and any latecomer was forced to pull out chairs to find a seat. As I listened to the sermon, I couldn’t help but feel tears flood my face. From the moment the pastor spoke, I was gripped with an overwhelming surge of emotions. I felt loved and embraced, by the power of god, and the hands of man. Everything the pastor was speaking resonated with me, as he explained what this day of “Resurrection” truly meant.

The emphasis was not placed on Jesus rising from the dead, as it would have on  any given Easter Sunday,but more so the metaphorical message, and how it is applied in our own individual lives.

 He said it mattered not that Jesus died, and was resurrected, but that he lived. And how in this message, it is more so a metaphorical description of how to live again.

He said on the full moon after the beginning of Spring, know that after that it is Easter Day. That spring itself represents the new cycle of Growth, and the resurrection of the Christ Message or Principles.

Meaning that it is the next cycle of life, in which the re-birth process of ourselves is to be cultivated, and death itself is the letting go of old ideas, so as new ideas to be reborn

He explained how this day is the most complicated of days to explain to a child, because even in death itself, there is no death, just another gateway in which to walk through. In fact he made such a bold statement, you heard a hush of “Amens” spread across the church walls.

He said… In honoring our loved ones in the state of death, we do them a dis-service, just as we do so by honoring Christ on the Cross. To truly honor is to remember what they were in life, not in death. Jesus did not ask us to worship him, but only to follow, and be guided by the message of love-connected to the divine. His death and resurrection is only to signify the Re-birth of ourselves.

These were the same ideas and beliefs I had told my Sunday School Teacher so long ago. At 14 years of age, I was told I was not a Christian, and was basically shunned by my church, for believing and expressing myself with rebellious intent. In fact I was told I was being mislead. And that it was the devil who would lead me to believe as such. Torn to what was perceived to me by two worlds (the love of god through myself) and the love of man, I was forced to set upon a journey of standing alone.

As a child, I had one on one interaction with the source of god, and never once doubted the unfolding of my journey. At five years of age, I gave homage to a tree that stood in my front yard, as the source of god, and often buried my most precious of things in the ground as a tidings. I was confused by the ideas my grandmother presented to me by sending money to “faith healers” who were the “voice of god” and by my mother who took me to churches with hands upon me, as they all spoke in a foreign tongue. It was funny to me, because my god was everywhere, within me. God was the tears and the voices that climbed inside my head, when I listened. I did not have to look far..

It always confused me when people would say “I found Jesus” For to me Jesus was only a man of faith, a demonstration of what man could be. And I did not look for Jesus, or see him as above me. I saw him as me.. An example of what I am and could be. God to me, was more than this. And at 14 year of age, it was not that I needed to find guidance to god, but that I was searching for the embrace of man

Every spiritual concept out there dictates to us that by the love of ourselves, with the flow of god connected, we feel love from everywhere. Again this is an absolute statement. And since I do not live my life in absolutes, and neither does god, I believe this statement merely to be a suggestion or road map to god, but not the definite.

Meaning yes, everywhere we look it is god. I at 14 years of age recognized that from the rejection of my pastor, it was not him as the person doing so, but god employing me to dig deeper

That the only person who could make me feel less than was myself. Yet in the core of my heart it still did not dismiss how this person was now treating me, no matter how much I rationalized it. I simply could not convince myself that my Sunday school teacher loved me completely, when it was obvious that he only loved me, when I did not assert my own voice. Perhaps I could have just nodded, told him what he wanted to hear. But it was god who would not allow me to do so…

It’s amazing to me how we as man often poison the waters in which we are drinking from together.  From our complete disregard of someones ideas, we do not dismiss the idea, but the person alone,  creating more rejection, and then trying to pacify our behavior by presenting another spiritual idea to mask it.

To me its the equivalence of someone hitting another, but then projecting the responsibility on the one who was hit, by claiming you only felt my punch, because you believed yourself to be hit. How ridiculous that is to me at times, when I listen to so many claim the same. We as human beings feel, we are meant to feel. It is in owning our feelings, we know god, not from masking it, or claiming ourselves to be immune to it.

I remember the big tears in my eyes, as I lovingly embraced my Sunday school teacher telling him, that I if the devil was leading me, then so shall I follow, because the devil wants to be loved as well.

And I ask that you pray for me, so that god will find me. That feeling today often haunts me, as it was like I was literally leaving a place, that was home.  I was avid in my worship to the flock of people who gathered. Attending church services twice a week, and singing in the choir. Most of my other peers made fun of me, because I wasnt interested in sneaking a cigarette in the church basement, or kissing a boy. It was funny to me, cause through my avid worship, I was shunned by my peers, and the adult leaders of the church..I felt pinned against a wall, like a marble trapped with nowhere to move.

I could have become angry and told my Sunday school teacher what his daughters and sons were REALLY DOING ON ALL THOSE CHURCH GATHERINGS.. INFORM HIM OF WHO WAS REALLY INFLUENCED BY THE DEVIL, BUT i DIDN’T.. All I wanted was for my Sunday School teacher to love me, and by insulting all his efforts in his church, would not be demonstrating any love for him at all. So I quietly left the church, with everyone watching me, and whispers heard in the wind.

I understood that I was loved by a bigger source, that had no comparison to man. And that in my connection to it, often I would have to stand alone. So I accepted this, and the fact that I would always be misunderstood by many.

You see these are the things that I don’t think gets emphasized enough in the spiritual concepts.

That is a very contradiction we need to understand, that by being so connected with the source, we will often feel the disconnect of man. And need to understand it is not that we are wrong. It has little to do with being right or wrong, but more so about the understanding of yourself and your relationship with god. 

That often our journey takes us on a path of standing alone, but recognizing we are never truly alone. Yet the very fact remains, we can have god, in faith( the intangible) but no matter we still need a tangible means of god.  We still crave for that warm hug, those simple words of I love you. We still need someone to love us so much, they are willing to stand in the fire with you, and not to dismiss you as a thorn in their side, because a bigger truth may be disturbing their paradigm.

Touch is so important, it it is the tangible revealing of god. And love comes in so many forms it often can be clouded in our own ideas and preconceptions. But touch, that is the ultimate expression, a kiss, a hug, heart bonded together in one brief moment, makes all the difference. And touch does not even have to be in a physical means, but when two people receive one another no matter what ideas are being presented. We touch chords in each other that far reaches just the physical limitations.

Our vulnerability is the mark of god, and yet we are always wearing a mask so as not to reveal it. It is also our surrender, a way in which to be re-born or resurrected.

A friend of mine said to me it’s about the yin and the yang.. The universe wants surrender, as man needs work.

I simply said to him man needs work so as to surrender,but in our surrender to god, it is an issue for man.

So yesterday as I listened to the call (the surrender) I was guided to church, and by doing so the once jolted 14 year old little girl set upon a journey with such fierce conviction, with devil and god perched on both shoulders, heard her exact message being confirmed by a pastor of the Church.. The universe was speaking to me in a big way.. Embraced by god, and man. It was indeed a day of re-birth for me. A day that for the most part, I  have been patiently waiting my for my whole life.

The little girl who had to stood alone for so many years, was now standing hand in hand with every energy being manifested through the tangible means of the church, and the intangible nudge by the divine. The little girl was now a woman!! And a strong one at that, for always listening to that bigger voice that beckoned me to be the renegade, and stand alone..

I never felt so loved by it all..

Much love to all of you

Misty