He dosen’t listen, and she always bitches..

A couple celebrating fifty golden years together, were asked what was their secret. It was a poignant moment, where both man and woman searched for a one line answer to give justice to something that took them years to master. They knew, as most who do who have lived a long live together, that what they had achieved was indeed no small endeavor. So to even ask such a question was ridiculous. The man blurted out zealously “Give her everything she wants!! And the Woman with a small cackle to her voice said Don’t ask for much!!

Everyone laughed at the sincerity of their statement. How could anyone possibly argue with that logic.

It has been often said “Love is simple it is we who complicate it”  I am sure the couple who celebrated their fifty years together could agree with that statement as well as disagree. As we have all had those moments of simplicity and complexity in every relationship we have ever been involved with. The reality is the answer is not the same for everyone.We get involved for its simplicity, and stay with the person because the complexity of it is much bigger than just loving a person, but loving ourselves while loving another.

Too many Loves, and not enough Masters

Understanding a person, and ourselves is the cornerstone of how every self-help book is published, how every guru is formed, and how  it explains why for  many lifetimes we have failed in this endeavor. Through understanding one another we gain larger grounds of reaching new perspective, and expanding ourselves all in the name of  peace and unity. A unity we all claim we want to reach, yet it seems so undefined in our minds and hearts.

In fact it is why every argument, pain and heartaches is waged in our own lives, because essentially we fight enough with some one else  to be understood, which negates the very act of peace and unity. Martin Luther King himself said “I have a Dream” A dream that meant we all have recognition of the places we do stand are not different from one another. For we all want to be understood and loved. That is the simplicity of it. Yet the complexity of how we want to be understood is as varying as love is.

To love someone is not difficult. But to love someone the way they see love being is the eruption of many fears, preconceptions, and lessons. 

To understand another is to peel away at all the many layers. And if you do take the time to peel at the layers, you also risk the chance in losing the very person you cared enough to peel away at.  It is what is known as the push-pull effect. It is where one loves you so much because you are willing to understand them, but then pushes you away because you have reached a higher understanding of them, that they themselves have not been able to reach. They feel small, as if they are watching you from the inside of them, as they stand outside of themselves. Some call it Psychoanalyzing Others call it prying into someones head.  I call it “Love”and my own intuition.