The Buffy vampire slayer chronicles..

When I first bought my Metaphysical store years ago, I had many show up at my doorstep to feel out who I was. They tested me in every way to see the power of my abilities, and even tried very hard to implement many of their own ideas upon me in hopes that they too could be seen of worth. I refer to many of these people, and that time as “The Buffy Vampire Slayer Chronicles”

It was a time in which I was still mapping out the direction in which to take my store toward. Would it be of Wiccan, Pagan principles, divination tools, and earth magic,and fairies dancing. I opted for the little wee fairy folk to inhabit the closed quarters of my little shop, and decorated my little place with twinkling lights and branches of trees hanging from every shelve. The fairy energy was widely invited and often at Guided Meditations, many of my attendees were being diverted by the mischievious nature of what fairies represent. Soon after I had to invite the Angels in to keep the fairies disciplined. I was no idiot to magic making, and had been invited many years ago to join an inner circle of High Priestesses.. I politely declined their offer when I heard the voice say to me “Magic is everywhere” it does not need be conjured, a spell to be cast to create it. The magic is within you, in your heart with your connection to the divine. Now after experiencing many encounters of people claiming someone “hexed” them or that they were going to release their astral dragon to kick another persons ass I felt compelled to get off the play land of ego, and power driven comments not made from the notion of love. I am a Reiki Master and as a Reiki master and energy worker that power does not come from me but from the direct connection with the divine by me loving myself enough to know I can receive that love. You cannot manipulate Reiki energy. It is pure and without cause or reason. You can only trust and free-fall into the bidding of the divine itself not your bidding. You cannot heal, that is an illusion in and of itself. Healing is only a word to convey love for what one believes to be everyones right to have. Many times in performing Reiki you have to accept you are not there to heal but only to be a conduit, in which the energy communicates to the individual. If the communication itself is to comfort another who is ill and needs to make transition, then that is your purpose. You cannot alter nor manipulate the energy, nor supercharge yourself with any power from it. In fact Reiki will remind you how you have no power at all if you become arrogant with its gift. Knowing this, and hearing this message by the divine itself, i knew my store needed to shift.

You and the Rabbit hole in the nirvana of the abyss

As I am steadily approaching the ripe old age of 40, a divorcee and entering into a new relationship, I find myself not unlike many others in this age arena struggling with the same issues of BOUNDARIES…As I hear that too often voice of doubt clink against my rattled brain, I ask myself is it that I am doubting myself in my own intuition, or trying to gain some sense of control? Meaning are my boundaries as I have defined them to be, really yet another expectation I have placed upon another in my inability to practice true acceptance? Yet when one speaks of self love nothing could be ever so evident of this expression and walking the talk then to integrate boundaries to have a healthy and productive life, that amplifies the internal reflection of self love demonstrated in the external. One could spin round and round on this subject, and from what I have seen not only from myself but from many mutual friends playing the relationship game, they too ask themselves the same questions…

How much do I give, and If I don’t give am I being selfish? How much do I reveal to my current partner of my previous experiences, and if so will they disect me like a specimen to later use such additional information as ammunition against me when we have a confrontation? How much do I accept, or should I accept it all? Am I leaving myself too open, too vulnerable and exposed for this idea and notion of what love represents? Have I taken too much control, not taken enough? Is there even room in my life, in their life to have another enter it? Has this been my pattern before, and if so as a one time, two time, three time loser at this game of love what chance do I really have to be a success when history has indicated otherwise? Am I thinking these thoughts because I am involved with an insecure control freak who is jealous of my Independence? The red flags I see, may see, can in fact not be red flags but red flags I have created and need to see because really I dont want to fail again, or are they really red flags being portrayed by the grand moving picture of the universe for me to see the pattern that is being created, and I need not to re-create them?