The focus of energy, to me is not at all simple as we like to believe. We are told that with focus, determination we can achieve the impossible. But what happens when our focus is so extreme, everything else around us is less pertinent? What happens if a dream is so imperative that we lose sight of our lives and the very foundation to support such a dream never comes into fruition?
I once had a friend tell me how the next partner in life she chooses would be one who is a “dreamer” I laughed knowing the very husband she divorced was this dreamer she proclaimed she wanted in her life. Yet when the daunting circumstances of life would burrow its way into the holes she was filling, she felt he was not a dependable partner;nor her equal and found herself all too comfortable with the role of apprehension. It was unsettling to her, because deep inside, her most wishful of desires was to be a “dreamer” and therefore chose a partner as such to vicariously live in that dream;except to say there was simply too much dream existence and not enough reality to validate the dream as being real. She had to make a choice to either live in the reality, or bury her head in a dream state.
I told her the energy needed to sustain what it means to be a dreamer at times null-and voids the reality of the mundane, and the notion of just being human as spirit beings is the struggle; how do we continue to be a dreamer, yet live in the reality that such dreams do not have enough of a foundation to be supported as a reality? For her it simply was a day to day battle to educate and guide her beautiful dream like husband into a reality he simply did not want to believe in. His hope was her denial, his magic, was her cross to bear and his ability to see beyond the veil, was her blindness. Which one was correct? Well these are the questions we are faced with aren’t we? When do we look at the reality, and when do we say that such a reality can only exist if I am willing to dream it into being and when does hope cross the river of denial?
Ironically after this conversation with her; that was more like a reading, she chose to go back to the husband, whom it was never a question of love in their relationship but her idea of what love was. He was always dreaming up another way to have financial freedom through some new invention, creative marketing or investment strategy, while she shuffled through the bills determining how to put off Paul, to pay Peter. To her, him not supporting the burdens of reality she carried in their day-to day life was his abandonment. It wasn’t until she felt the void of his dreams in their separation that she could see the gift he was to her. She realized his dreams were the actual components of her love for him. When she tried to enforce a truth; a truth comparable to telling a child there is no such thing as Santa Clause, she murdered the magic and therefore crushed him into less of a being. His manhood dwindled, his initiative sapped dry, and so instead the once hopeful loving husband she knew was a shell of a person; disfigured with the gruesome beast known as “depression” His dreams was his hope, his dreams was his antidote to the burdens of life, his dreams was his Excalibur. It was also his laughter, his childlike playfulness, and the ability to throw caution in the wind to scoop his lovely wife in his arms to dance. He knew only to be a “Dreamer” and her role was to support the dream into existence without resentfulness. It was a challenge she did not want to face and was too caught in the blame game to know.
I have been working steadily on the publication of my book “Protector of Spirits” and as a result of my focused dedication to it, other things in my life have not received their earned attention. Like how aggravated I can become when I am reminded there is no milk in the house when I am knee deep into a next spell binding chapter. Yet the man in my life, who is very much a “Dreamer” himself has earnestly taken on the role of keeping the torch alive through financial support, as well as every day reading a fresh new chapter and telling me how brilliant I am. I see how carrying the burden of reality is crushing his dream like natur and I ask myself after receiving several rejection letters yesterday from literary agents, is this a realistic dream to have? Of course how realistic are dreams? He spins the tale of reality saying things like-you only received three rejection letters when the reality is you may receive hundreds before the interest is sparked in another. My reality is to counter act the action of rejection as a sign to be more pragmatic. He sees my reality as self-doubt; whereas I see his reality as only a dream. The juggling of such a reality but still remaining in the dream is relentless; its like a ocean of waves some knock you over, others nurture and then there is the those that drown you in their emotional currents, more like a tidal wave of a Tsunami. At times it is much easier to grab onto one way instead being engulfed in the juggle. Up to this point, all my dreams have had a grounding reality to them. My dream to own a Metaphysical store, practicing what I love to do the most was not unrealistic or impossible. My dream as a child to rise above the exterior circumstances of my life and be more than my up-bringing, it too was held in the regard of possibility as a result of choices I made. But diving into the world of Authors, Literary Agents terms like Query letters are the equivalence of one trying to push through to rock-stardom. No one chooses the career of being a rock star if they enjoy eating and no one like myself who works, home schools her son dares try to tackle writing a book. Yet here I am doing just that. Its funny to me years ago as a budding lead singer for a band, I was offered a record deal and turned it down, because I didn’t understand the relevance of what I was being offered. I was young and afraid of the sacrifice meant in regards to being a mother to a young child and wife to my husband. Still dreams are not without sacrifice, they are not without compromise, nor are they without change and the promotion of growth.
So the burning question is how does one know the difference between what is hope and denial? I guess the answer would be to keep on juggling; to be in the reality, but living the dream. We cant trade one in for the other, unless we are willing to live in the consequences by doing so. But be careful cause such consequences can be the very catalyst of why dreams are not supported into a reality.
Much love to all
Misty Dawn
Radiance By Misty Dawn 