The irrelevant writings of Misty Dawn: aka the lunatic.

Last night I had a dream.  I wont elaborate on the dream; except to say that it was very relevant in nature to myself and the way I have perceived things. Just weeks ago my partner and I were having  a discussion. It seemed that although we did not know it at the time, we both were having the exact same thought process prior to this discussion. He being at work and me left home to continue to write my book were pondering the same questions on the principles of spirituality. What we asked ourselves was all spiritual principles, religion, belief systems and everything we have ever written read or experienced all bullshit? Was it all just man-made ideas used as coping mechanisms to deal with the hardships of life? And if so that would mean everything we believe in from the culmination of our childhood to our adulthood is really just lies. This includes every religion and in-between philosophies that spurred spiritual ministries.  This came to us after reading an article of how there is evidence that Jesus was not a real man nor was his story; it was all fabricated tales from people of power who wanted to rule. Now it mattered not to me whether Jesus was real or not; because to me it was never about the man but the message of love. So this did not phase me to believe that Jesus was a fabrication, but it did make me plunge even further to examine a history that seems to get erased quicker every day by our more advanced tools of technology. We can turn over stones and dig through layers than we ever could before; and this too applies to the sped up process of life and our self discovery. Which leads me back to the question we were having, is it all bullshit?

Was there a Jesus, a Buddha, a Krishna a Zeus? Was there a  Peter, Paul and Mary in biblical  times other than the folk singing trio? Perhaps there was, but not how we know them or how they even have been portrayed or the girth of their teachings preserved in the same way in which it was initially expressed. O.k so now we are talking about the game telephone; how everything gets watered down in the process so much that its initial state has changed in form. Was it Peter Piper picked a pepper, or was it the heater belonged to a piper and it burned like a pepper? Was there even a pepper? And if peter didn’t pick a pepper then the rest is irrelevant as to how many peppers did Peter Piper pick, right?

Does it matter if we take right or left and the only importance or difference there is, is the air of self-importance we create by attaching meaning to understand or justify the difference? Now we start to blast off into hyper-state. So if all belief systems are self invented lies created by man as a way to cope, then what has life become: a coping mechanism?  Is it a lie waiting to be exposed as something else.? Are we a lie and the only relevance we have is again the one we create through the air of self-importance and ego? Yet we are told how bad it is to let our ego have control and even how what we need to learn is detachment and grow. But even in our growth; no matter how much wisdom we attain from all our experiences we see the irrelevance of that too; because our minds can only take us so far. And our emotions betray us through the error of our mind. Now what?

Alright lets dismiss it all; all religion, spirituality,  sin, devil, ego, karma, chakras, magic, growth, Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, Odin, Zeus, The pope, Reiki, healers, angels, and even god. Now what do we have?

All that we are left with is ourselves and the wisdom of knowing it is all bullshit; it is all an illusion of contrived lies made up by man to cope. O.k except that hello I am still here and so are you. You didn’t suddenly just move to the next dimension in all the wisdom you attained and I don’s see golden light coming our of your arse either. So now that your existence appears to be bleak because of the irrelevance of the world you live in and you too being in that world are just as irrelevant; how do you find enough meaning to want to keep living without contemplating the nearest bridge to jump from?  Well what goes up must come down; or in this case the further you dig, the more you rise. The further you explore the depth of who you are and conclude it’s all an illusion the more real everything becomes. You live in the experience much like a child would experience and savoring each moment as if it you have never had it before; because you haven’t.

You will never experience the taste of a chocolate cake as an adult the same way you did as a child, and you will never have the same experience no matter how many times you eat a chocolate cake; even it appears to be the same. What happens is you come full circle knowing the depth; but relishing in the simplicity. Your lunatic mind can only carry you so far as to how much you are willing to explore the deeper questions and even through that exploration they can’t be answered in simple form. They can only be experienced in the simplicity of your child like nature which isn’t simple at all. I often ponder the phrase “Those who know do not speak, and those who don’t know speak all the time. O.k except once again if we know what we know and in our knowing we know that others can never know the same way we know or what we know, which makes us aware that in our knowing we never claim to know, then why would we have incentive to want to contribute anything? Why would we bother to interact with others, speak our truth if we already know truth is irrelevant and even our truth is only a culmination of lies waiting to be exposed into a different lie or forced truth derived from a lie? It would really make one want  to just shut up and observe wouldn’t it? And even that is not completely the answer ;or is it?

P.S Contrary to what others may believe or perceive, I am neither depressed or under the influence of alcohol. And no I am not high either.. lol

In your vulnerability-divine speaks

I am not one who lives a secretive life bounded in a fortress or sanctuary of the four walls of my home in the pretense that all is completely blissful.  I put myself out there; willingly  sharing the ebb and the flow of the many dynamics transpiring in my day-to-day living. I do so, because to me in my transparency I open myself up to the exploration of the universe happening in each and every one of us. I do not reside in any role as an authoritative voice or one of reason at all times; nor do I fear portraying myself in a vulnerable place.

When I used to facilitate my weekly guided meditations, I would emphasize the power of sharing our experiences with each other; that in this sharing our awareness is expanded in the realization of “We are not alone” Everything happening to you in a moment is happening to another. Perhaps the dynamics may be different but each one of us are sharing the journey together in some fashion or another. It is meant to be this way; so that we are yet humbled and loved at the same time in our recognition of sharing both pain and love with each other. Frustration, sadness, all share the signature marks of “Pain” Be it a pain we are experiencing for growth or a pain that is happening from stagnation; it is all set up for the glory of our own inner scope to be viewed from the internal to the external.

Many of us allow our sadness or isolation to be infused in our perception of life; fearful of being judged by another we pretend to have a firmer grip on something that in reality is the skin of our fingertips hanging on to the edge of a cliff. In doing so we have demonstrated the very act of arrogance; pretending to be what we are not. We are not meant to always have the answers or the knowing power. What we are meant to have, is the knowing of the divine; that even in our lack of knowing we trust and believe in the unraveling of our conditioning. When we hide behind a facade of being, we are not allowing our true being to surface and essentially are wearing a mask; a mask meant to be destroyed by our creator. In our mask wearing, we are the antithesis of what the divine is.

Now without having to use the emotional trigger word so deeply rooted in many psyches, ask yourself what is the rival or antithesis of the divine? No answer is correct, just something to ponder. But think about the first definitive word that rises to the surface when you ask yourself such a question; when you go against the divine what have you become?

Our vulnerability is the clearest channel to the divine. I have often said we do not know or experience god in our stand, but on our knees. When we allow this vulnerability to be exposed, we are exposing ourselves to the divine. It matters not if it is through another person, sharing a painful experience or reaching out for help. It is trusting in the process that all transpiring is the will of the divine communicating with us and through us. But we cannot know this, until we experience this. We cannot experience this, until we are vulnerable enough to experience it. Everything is a product of the universe. The friend on Facebook who offers helpful suggestions, guidance or even a derogatory comment is the voice meant to speak. They too speak through the voice of the divine, conveying to you the  emphasis of  symmetry. If we continue to pretend in an external way the opposite world of the internal, we create a block of communication with the world and the divine. That block gets amplified in everything we do, from our jobs to our loved ones, thus creating a wall meant to be cracked with us cracking too.

I felt that crack happening within myself, when just last week the very arrogance I created in myself by being some superhuman mother of the year came crashing down. I had to acknowledge that despite my best efforts of advocating for my son academically, I was not the one with all the answers nor was I the best mother. This all had to be questioned in me from yet another blog I had to read from someone who continues to air my personal life in a public forum. They basically asked what kind of mother am I? Even though one could view the content of their phrasing in a derogatory fashion, it still raised the question in me that needed to be answered for me and no one else. Although their intent spoken on the keyboard in malice, it was helpful to me in revealing my arrogance. It was yet another way for me to see god speaking through the question I needed to ask in myself.

Suddenly without apprehension I went on a Facebook campaign to help me in helping my son. I wrote a status entitled with the first word being  HELP to emphasize my vulnerability and my desire of being open to what ever would be expressed. I even recorded the interactive dynamics of me and my son on video and posted it to my page, so that those who felt obliged to help, could see if I as the parent was not demonstrating clear concise communication with my son. In other words I was willing to be the wrong one. I was willing to be criticized and redirected if in this re-direction it meant more desirable outcomes with my son. I had to put down my persona as some kind of “all-knowing Misty Dawn and savor the moment of being receptive to someone else knowing more than me. I say all-knowing, because some view me as this from the content of my blogs. I do not consider myself to be all-knowing, but I do understand how one could easily view me as such and even self righteous. Its ok it comes with the territory of sharing your expereinces and wisdom obtained through the application of knowledge. We all can be easily viewed this way depending on the subject matter we have chosen to study. I have chosen to study the very subject matter before  I write about it.

What happened was amazing. There was an outpour of loving hearts who felt my frustration and my guilt as a parent. At first they pranced around their comments by saying I sense a little guilt in you, in which I replied robustly you sense ALOT OF GUILT IN ME. I am not hiding that. I am not hiding that where I stand right now, I am experiencing tremendous waves of doubt. In my acknowledgement of this and not my pretend, they truly saw a human being in pain. I cried, I laughed, but above all I received. Not only did I receive the emotional comfort but also a wealth of knowledge from those who had been exactly where I was. In that moment I allowed all those who had something to give to me, be received. I essentially received from god the very message I needed to hear for myself in asking the damn question in the first place, by standing in a place of doubt. It was a doubt that had been eating at me since the fist blog was written by the one who wanted to fortify this doubt in me. Am I a good mother?

The answer I received was clear. That by even being vulnerable enough to ask such a question not only in yourself but by the viewing eyes of many, the astounding answer is yes you are. Are you the best mother? No. But you are the best mother you can be. Just as you are the best person you can be by not pretending you are something you are not. Your vulnerability is something to be shared not hidden. Your vulnerability is your beauty. It is the beauty of all. So give thanks to those who stir the question of doubt and  give thanks to those who alleviate this doubt; but above all give thanks to yourself for being vulnerable enough to doubt. In your doubt, god speaks.

Much love to all

Misty Dawn

You might be a “sociopath”

The often substantial damaging energy we embed in one another through the form of labeling, can be as limited to our own growth as much as it is to the one we have labeled. It does not take a genius to understand that from our constant exploitation of words, we usher in a limited perception of how we view our world.

Years ago when I struggled with the idea of having my son quote “labeled” and diagnosed with Aspbergers, I realized it was not that I was fighting my own perception of my son, but the stigma of how society would view him. To me, he has and will always be my most trusted of teachers. He has opened my world much further than any book, idea or philosophy could do otherwise, both spiritually and personally.He forces one to be authentic and truthful. He is an absolute advocate of justice and will follow his heart every time no matter what the consequences he endures.

He knows himself without question. The kind of integrity and character this young man at ten years of age has, is not something that can be taught or grasped through any instruction; it is the instrumental presence of god. It shines through him from passion, anger, frustration and compassion.

But how does one convey such knowing without being seen as a bias opinion for simply carrying the term “mother” to him being my “Son” Well you can’t. No more than you can strike down the words of another who feels bitter and hurt by someone they would cast in darkness with yet another title of being a “Sociopath”

I was introduced to this title from a friend who listened to some of my grievances of my ex husband, and spoke this word in advocacy  of my plight. It sounded severe to me to use such a word in reference to my ex and instead of jumping on the bandwagon of “The man Haters club” I decided to further investigate.

What I discovered, just like many other definitions and labels, that it too was yet another word invented to amplify shame and indifference. I also discovered that I did not have the informative education like a psychologist to make such a declaration of another and how in my limited emotional perspective it would be easy to label him as such without understanding the consequences.

The internet itself although helpful has become much like a cess pool of information, where one can swim in to solidify their anger  toward another in a very broad stroke of labeling. I have played witness to emotionally hurt women, writing what are supposed to be insightful spiritual blogs for their fellow sisters  to inevitably attribute to more hurt destruction, and a limited possibility of moving forward in a positive way.  The word “Sociopath” is one of those heavy words imprinted in our psyches and is not one we should use so frivolously. It takes special care and observation of a trained doctor to make such a diagnosis as it did with the counselor who closely observed my sons behavior for a year before making a “Clinical Diagnosis” I repeat a clinical diagnosis, not a speculation of a jaded lover or ex relationship who cushions their hurt by hurting another. We as a society need to differentiate the two and not add to more of the current baggage we are carrying, through assisting others to jump on the bandwagon with us all in the name of Sisterly or brotherly love.

To illustrate my point here is the supposed 11 signs to look for according to Huffington Post of what could be red flags of one being a “Sociopath”

According to the Huffington Post, my son, myself, my daughter and many other people I know are “sociopaths” Based on the 11 signs to look for in a person, the very ideas presented was a complete contradiction to all spiritual principles we are told to live by. First being

sociopaths have an inflated sense of self. They are narcissists to the extreme. Wow so the idea one must love themselves and know their worth could be considered narcissistic if your actions were being viewed by someone who did not know or value themselves. If you speak your truth, know your worth and your value then this is an over-inflated sense of self. Arrogance for the most part or lacking humility. But we as society have misconstrued what this words means. Humility is not being less than you are, but more by being the creation of god; without seeing yourself as more or less than anyone else. So it would stand to reason that those who call others a “sociopath” have an over-inflated sense of self by their lack of humility. And it is in their arrogance of not knowing, claiming something they do know.

Sociopaths use deceit and manipulation on a regular basis. Why? “Lying for the sake of lying. Lying just to see whether you can trick people.

I have always said one can only be as truthful to others as much as they are truthful with themselves. To some degree we are all lying about something just so we can keep living in our illusions of comfort. It may be a job you don’t want to leave, a relationship you keep pursuing, an idea, a dream, or the investment in a person or religious leader. In some form manipulation is always present. So if you believed yourself to be lying to yourself and others through the form of manipulating a truth you have yet to see, then you might be a “Sociopath”

They can’t really imagine or feel the emotional worlds of other people.

I wonder if every careless non-considerate driver on the road is a “Sociopath” because on some days when I see the lack of respect given to others who wheel their steel metal contraptions  of gripping death scenarios from their blatant attempts to out speed another driver, it seems very possible  that the whole world turns into a “Sociopath”

sociopaths lack remorse, guilt or shame.

One of my dear friends asked me once what did I regret in my life? I replied nothing. I have chosen to make every decision in my life with the knowing that it was right for me no matter what, because I believe in the perfection and error of god. So wow the fact I hold no shame or guilt within myself for what would be perceived as two failed marriages, makes me an absolute “Sociopath” Next

Experiments have shown that while normal people show fear when they see disturbing images or are threatened with electric shocks, sociopaths tend not to.

So how many spiritual principles have taught us that it is not what happens to us, but how we react that creates our reality. So much for creating your reality for how you react emotionally, instead you might be a sociopath.

Sociopaths bounce from goal to goal, and act on the spur of the moment,

Wow, so much for living in the moment and not planning your day in formation of rituals and control. Nope you must be a sociopath. I suppose John Lennon when he quoted  “Life is what happens when your busy making other plans” was a Sociopath too. Great that means Tolle and Buddha, and all great spiritual masters are all Sociopaths. Damn seems like I cant trust anyone. Next.

Sociopaths tend not to have friends–not real ones, anyway. “sociopaths don’t want friends, unless they need them. Or all of their friends are superficially connected with them, friends by association.

Ok you tell me how many relationships survive on the sheer superficial quality of it, because most do not want to venture deeper? And who is to judge what someone else ‘Real friends” means to another. For me that is complex, because a “real friend” is just as important as what would be deemed a “fake friend” I am aware that all relationships no matter how in-depth they are, have value. From them you understand the boundaries and how to communicate effectively dependent on how deep the relationship is.

Living by the “pleasure principle.”

“If it feels good and they are able to avoid consequences, they will do it! They live their life in the fast lane — to the extreme — seeking stimulation, excitement and pleasure from wherever they can get it,” You are a sociopath. Ok so again so much for living is bliss; never-mind. Yeap don’t follow your heart no matter the consequences because you may be labeled as a Sociopath if you do.

Are you starting to get what I saw. I could go on. But I wont. I think or at least I would hope, I have made my point. The more I read what makes one a “Sociopath” the more I understood that it was a basis of non-conformity being judged as something less than. By all standards here I am, a Sociopath. I do not adhere to the rules of society, but by god. I do not follow a recipe of success based on what others view successful. I do not stay in one place if it creates lack of growth. I do not freak out over traumatic events, unless I am moved to do so. And I most certainly live in the moment.

Now if you can look at any of this and ask yourself do I do any of that, well you might be a Redneck, or a Sociopath.

And so what this conjures in me is a lack of responsibility when we use such words to solidify our opinions. When we once again reach outside of ourselves to view another as less than us because it serves some ego part of ourselves; or a truth we are unwilling to face.

If you are one who calls another a “{Sociopath” you may need to be asking yourself this. It takes one “Sociopath” to see another. Just as we can’t love or see the beauty of another without first viewing it in ourselves, it is the same. Labels, titles, it’s all bullshit waiting to be exposed in ourselves first and foremost.

Much love to all

Misty

For the one waiting for the spin on the story

I find it utterly amazing how one will create a blog to spotlight their profound words of wisdom, entitled  “Turn your attention elsewhere and stop creating more Karma” when they themselves within a few short words of another blog perpetuate that very karma, by continuing to write about a relationship that ended almost a year ago in negative format.

I wonder if said person is so skewed with emotion they are unaware how obvious their bitterness is to people, and the only ones who are participating in any of the visible comments are bitter as well in their own lives. Like does attract like, this person would spout in every blog and does not see their own karma taking place.

I have to admit in their continuous rants and defamation  of character for someone I care about, it has been a real challenge to continue to be the “Bigger Person” and not personally show up at their front door step to kick the living shit out of them. I say this honestly because I recognize you just like me have our human fallacies.  The fact that I haven’t and it’s been almost a year of this ongoing parade, is a real testimony to my strength to not succumb or be controlled by anger. We all need our catalysts don’t we, to push us into deeper places of confrontation and fears for growth.  And boy my, how much I have grown.

Its one thing to stir up trouble on pages of facebook and other media formats, but its quite another when you contact the persons family members and probation officer only with the intention to destroy another out of bitterness. I have to admit I did not think this person with their publicized spiritual magazine would stoop so low to gain attention. I thought for sure there was at least one shred of dignity and character within them. I mean after-all they are aware that for every time they take action with an ill intent it only creates more illness in their own life. Surely they in their thousands of blog writings about spiritual principles understand this very simple principle.  But I suppose not.

So unfortunately dear one who awaits for the “Spin on the story” about the story you have spun, their will be no defending comments to partake in.  No I would rather just watch as you paint yourself into a corner; when yet another person opens their eyes to your obvious hatred and decides perhaps this is not someone to turn to if they themselves cant even follow their own teachings.

I think the universe may have a a firmer grip on this than I do. So let be what will be. And let those who choose to believe in your smut, believe. For those who choose to believe, you may want to keep in mind this scenario is no different then classroom bullying; even adults grow up to be bigger bullies when they feel they have lost control. After-all the saying “Hell holds no fury like a woman scorned is yet another bully UN-willing to accept their responsibility.

Still living in Bliss-thank you that is where my attention will continue to be

Misty

Co-dependence is not a bad word

Its been an interesting month to say the least. I have felt a tremendous shift occurring in myself that is absolutely necessary for my growth, not only as an individual person but the person I am to others. In other words the tools I had collectively gathered over the years did not apply to the place I found myself standing and it was a matter of either accepting this or rejecting it. At first it was a  bit unsettling to find yourself in a place of unfamiliarity and yet I know it is my very nature to always want to expand upon everything including my own perception of who I am and who I am not.  I asked for this, I heard myself say in the blanket of thoughts that was being downloaded to me in a moment of stillness, where I was not the doer but the observer.  A moment that would be a pivotal place to reach to encapsulate many more moments approaching; as I  was very much like a metamorphosis of a butterfly breaking free from its cocoon.

The layers of my own constructs were revealed through countless dynamics building through a culmination of events.;THAT LED ME TO A PLACE OF HITTING MANY WALLS before I had reached this awareness. Instead of seeing those walls in a negative light, I chose to view it as the direct communication of the divine speaking to me, telling me where to go and where not to go. In this I infused the crucial part of how our own perception often dilutes the real magic unfolding in our lives. When we are too blind to see the bigger picture because our eye is focused on one thing, or we are placing what really is a gift to us as being something negative because our lack of understanding.

I watched as my own strength and will of spirit tried to move a mountain that was not mine to move because it belonged to someone else.  I thought by doing so I was conveying love and support only to be reminded that love is often just being there without taking any action. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY NOT GETTING IN THE WAY OF GOD.

In this acknowledgement of the divine in my relationship with myself and with others, I was able to see that the only choice that remained was to stop “Moving the Mountain” Essentially god or the energy was communicating to me what my new role was to be and effectively giving me the tools to do so, but only if I was willing to be what I was not, or had yet to become.  To be willing to stand in a place uncomfortable to me to see the gift.

Years ago I had encountered a very similar situation, where I as healer energy worker was told in this particular event it was not my place to be here. A young mother had brought her child to me who was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and had asked me to perform a Reiki Healing. I of course feeling nothing but compassion and sympathy for both the mother and child, willingly stepped up to this task even denying any kind of payment for my services.  I laid the child on my table and the moment I felt my hands place upon them I heard that voice. It said to me in a nutshell “Back off” this is not yours. This child has already chosen its path, and it will indeed die and not make it to adulthood and you are to do nothing except watch the story unfold.

I of course was astounded by what I received and did not know how to begin to understand what was being communicated to me, but I did not challenge it either, nor did I try to rationalize it by saying it was my ego speaking from a place of fear. I knew that was not the case at all. I was told this is the childs karmic path, this child will teach many through its struggle and death and you are not to intervene.

Now karma is a very broad stroke of a word that has layers upon layers of its meaning. I can only make reference of the word in this particular scenario where the word karma implied simply the path of this individual with god, period.

It was the most difficult action for me to take; to not take action and only to watch. It was difficult because I could not explain to the mother my reasoning of why I would not work on the child and had to suffer with the hurt not only that she felt by feeling the rejection from me, but the rejection I felt from her for not being what she needed me to be. I had to sit in the place of “Knowing” and just watch this child wither away. I also had to feel the pain of it all by not doing anything. Not satisfied completely I then took the steps to holding a benefit for the child to raise money for the family, only to have the same message come up once again; “This is not yours” The benefit in which I involved entire school system with, sponsors,  and tremendous amounts of marketing while hitting the pavement with fliers to distribute at every nearby friday fest, was a complete failure. In all my attempts to help, there was only 20 attendees that was not my regular mediation group or reiki students.

This memory  came to greet me again when I listened to a talk about Co-dependence. That we form these relationships that may initially start out with the intent of helping or caring for another grows into a pattern of co-dependency and in doing so we essentially dis-empower ourselves and the other individual from growing. So we have to make attempts to change our conditioning; our patterns with another in ourselves to honor where the other person is without judgement of where they are not. It was viewed that in our judgement of seeing someone in a place of need we may not be recognizing who the real person is and therefore are only laying the foundation of our egos being placated in said dependency of the need we fulfill.

Except there is yet another layer to this. Being a person who is  a giver, helper we have to first make the judgement in ourselves that the person we are wiling to help is in a place of need, otherwise why would we help, so judgement is absolutely a factor in our action and not to be dismissed. Of course I could use less involved words that don’t pull at an emotional trigger in us as being negative. I could say instead of judgement, assessment but still it is yet another form of judgement so why bother to water it down when it too is meant to have relevance and power.

Now the judgement as it is supposed, comes in when we see this person being less than ourselves. We are judging them from a place of ego, or superiority, except to say if you have moved past that place and you are fully aware that every person you help, teach is also doing the same for you, then there is no need to see yourself superior.  Now we go deeper. In this recognition it equalizes the playing field where one is not more than the other and both are open to receive their lessons. But again it takes two to do this.  If one is not willing to move past these roles then it does create an energetic imbalance because both are not receiving and giving. This is where one will start to feel a burden of the other and conflict is created. The universes main purpose is to create balance, and when that balance shifts we feel it on every level.

Yet there is one other variable that can shed light on this negative catch-all phrase of co-dependence and that is drum roll.. God. Yes I said cath-all phrase of co-dependence because to me it is something we don’t understand energetically occurring in the relationship, so we must view it as negative to reach a positive form of new action. The word co-dependence has become like the medical terminology of Fibromyalgia; a diagnosis given when basically the doctor has no clue to the source of its origin. 

 However, we are all meant to be co-dependent with one another. The very word co-dependent is the same as co-creation with the recognition of co-dependence with god. Our relationships are meant to mirror this co-dependence with god as a means to grow. When we stop growing we feel the imbalance because our souls know how it is able to grow, with god and with each other. If we leave one out, we have missed the formula and therefore create a dependency with our egos. 

Some will say I am in a relationship with myself and with god and no need to have another, others will say I am always in a relationship where one is learning from me. The truth is never the extreme, but as with everything lies in the middle. Yes we are in a relationship with ourselves and with god, but not at the expense of not being in a relationship with another. And yes we often do teach others, but in our teaching as any good teacher knows we are also being a student. In this recognition we are honoring god; we are honoring the divine in everything as being equal, not one more or less than the other. Otherwise in the extreme we are only honoring the feeding of our egos, not our souls.

Our quote “Co-dependency in another is our co-dependency in how we view ourselves in the relationship and helps to feed the ego. In this co-dependency we inevitably hit a wall or increased conflict is created because we have forgotten god in the relationship. We have forgotten how our path with god is through the paths of others and we just like god are meant to take on many forms, which is growth.  And often this growth can only be utilized in a place of confrontation because we are confronting god. Not confrontation seen as conflict but of honoring our place in which god stands in front of us like any good parent would, telling you do not go this way because this way is not serving you. You are intervening in your karmic path with this said person and by doing so you are effectively altering their karmic path as well. It’s not judging someone elses karma per se, but more so recognizing they have a path with god and so do you. The co-dependence you have created in this relationship is a co-dependence formed in man and not in god.

The problem is, just as my problem was with this mother of a dying boy, is that you may as the individual in the helping role see this but they do not.  Now you are faced with being seen as uncaring or having lack of compassion or quote trying to lead the person. It was never my intention to lead this sick boy to health. I never once thought myself arrogant enough to do so. My intention was to be the best person I knew myself to be in service as a conduit of god’s work. Never did I take the stance of superiority but more so as a well-trained dog loyal and obedient to its master. However it was not seen as such and created the very conflict needed to sever what could have become a real Co-dependent relationship, that without the blessing of god had I continued to pursue said relationship in such a way. Now although it could have been viewed in a negative light by the amounts of pain and resentment  I did have to swallow, I saw the blessing in it. I did not have to turn over many stones or hit various walls to sever what could have been a Co-dependent relationship. And it very well unbeknownst  to me possibly saved me from even more depths of pain by being so deeply integrated into the story.

Who knows, who cares. The point is that the point was taken, received and then acted upon.  I was recognizing god and the energy speaking to me from that encounter that happened instantly. Years later I would see the same except that it would be through a series of stories not just one. Yet the story has all of these characters connecting with the character (the man I love) which directly connected me to his story and  all stories connected to him. It was not so easy to make the same dis-connect as I did with this young boy because my investment was so heavily rooted in the reality of my own life. However this was the very catalyst that pushed me to a place I had never been in a relationship; where two people were in the acknowledgement of god, doing the work together. A very real Co dependent relationship with each other and with god. It was a give and receive, it was a balance. What I was fighting was not a co-dependent relationship with this person, but the co-dependent relationship with myself and my ego. My very identity of who I thought myself to be was threatened. I was not meant to move this persons mountain.  My lesson, my growth was to embrace who I was destined to become from the expansion of this relationship from god.

I am a firm believer that for every negative feeling we have, encounter or perceive including our defintion of words is meant to be seen for what it truly is; that all that is happening is positive, we just have to be willing to find it.

Much love to everyone

Misty