Its all a dance

Life is chaotic. In between rush hour traffic of the daily grind and planning whats for dinner, we barely have any moments to ourselves. For the longest time I acted as a teacher, father, mother and counselor, not only to my children but to the attendees of my classes and facilitated meditations. I walked away from that to embrace myself. Since then I take time to do the things I enjoy the most drumming, meditating, sushi, the beach and this blog. All ways for me to disengage from the demands of life. I take a retreat almost every week in bite size pieces to accommodate my schedule. To me it is like breathing and decompressing all the energy build up from those who have depended on me the most.

This allows for me to be in the flow. To feel the synchronicity of god communicating to me. Today both Jeremy and I were put to the challenge of this. My car would not start after we left the “Love Hut” A small local business owned by very dear friends of ours who specialize in finding great deals and share those savings with the patron as a token of love, this is where we found ourselves stuck. It was a blessed moment for Jeremy and I to break down here.

Our friends in service to our needs gathered around the car to see how to resolve the issue. Everyone was engaged and focused on how to alleviate the stress of trouble shooting why the car wouldn’t start. It began to pour. A storm of blowing debris began to form all around us. Friends showed up out the blue offering us rides. Friends were called on the phone. All channels of service from every stone to be turned was initiated by these friends. Eventually we determined the root of the issue and were back on the road again. On our way back to the house we encountered a lawn service truck who was finishing up a yard. Jeremy and I had been in search of a small mom and pop business to upkeep our lawn. We felt we both work hard and if one less burden of the yard maintenance is taken off of us for a small price was worth the investment. Soon enough we had a lawn care service following us to our home to cut our lawn. As bleak as it may have appeared to be, we were still able to accomplish many things.

Yes our day was railroaded by the demands of the car, but the offering of friendship and love was not.  Jeremy and I both laughed at the irony of how there is no better place to break down then at the “Love Hut”

The Entrapment of Love and Light

Love and Light, Namaste, Blessed be. They all have become the epitome of the new age movement “Catch Phrases.” Part of the vernacular we use in practicing and conveying love. Yet they can be as empty as a cocoon is, once the butterfly has spread its wings.

We are often taught as children to respect our elders, hold our tongues, and speak only when someone is willing to listen. Some of us quickly learn that not everyone is willing to listen, unless we do speak up. If we wait too long we may not have a voice left. Like a bird who has to sing its song, we must raise our voice and be heard. We can find our wings through every experience we encounter, to help us to break through the walls of our own self imposed prisons.

The new age movement has prepared us for something new to come, shifting the paradigms that no longer work. The goal being “Authenticity,” but what I have seen in this “New Religion” is the very same principles of the old dinosaur model of Christianity being replayed. Instead of it being called sin or the devil, it is called karma, or lower vibration.  We can dress up our prison as much as we like, but if it still has bars to cage us in, it’s still a form of a prison.

Peace and love being the ultimate goal, thus the release of our spirits soaring. Honestly though, is this an illusion created to perpetuate yet another example of duality? Are our spirits really flying when we sit in a place of peace?

The Horse Whisperer, and More

Buck Brannaman, a bow-legged cow-boy who travels the country to teach four day clinics is a prodigy with horses. The real “Horse Whisperer” capable of captivating a horse with his gentle approach and mesmerizing the many spectators. To watch buck interact with these beautiful animals, is to see something truly amazing, as he and the horse become as one, performing a dance, that even Fred Astaire would be proud of. Emphasizing the correlation of the horses disposition to the reflection of the owner, buck not only trains the horse, but educates the human during these clinics. 

In the recent documentary film titled “Buck” he encounters a stud, who attacks when approached. Buck explains how the horse is unbridled from fearful emotions, from the abuse the young stud endured when it was oxygen deprived at birth, and left oprhaned by its deceased mother. The owner rasing 18 studs of her own, was not able to work with the horse, and treat it as if you would with a child with special needs, and so without the proper training, the horse became wild.

Unbeknownst to the studs owner, she would leave that day from the clinic, not only making an important decision to put the stud down, accepting full responsibility of her failure with a mentally challenged horse,  but also to make some clear changes in her own personal life. Buck delivered a stern but caring message, the way a concerned father would disciplining his own child, changing her outlook of how she saw herself.

“Why don’t you want to enjoy Life, he says to the fragile and taken back woman. “How this horse acts, says everything I need to know about you” Nobody should have 18 studs, unless they just feel they should be punished in life” What are you trying to prove”

 The harsh reality of Bucks words, causes an emotional breakdown in the owner. As streams of tears flow from her, a gentle shake of her head in agreeance to the validity of his message, causes Buck to react in a sympathetic way with a pat to her back. It was a real moment, where the owner not only sees the responsibility she carries for the behavior of her horse, but in her life as well, and the many dynamics of it.  The owner, a forty something stocky blonde unsure of herself, left with her pride bruised, but her heart open and aware of what she has created in her own reality.

Being a reader myself, I would say regardless if the owners intention was to save the horse, it was she who was saved, and needed retribution. To me it was an intervention of a higher power, that brought her to the clinic, to hear the words of a well-respected man in her field, who on a personal level did not need to know her, but knew.  It was god acting or the divine acting through him, recognizing the clarity in the dynamics of her own being, and everything around her. And how in her assuming full responsibility would be the empowerment she needed to change her own life. I couldn’t help but see how when I as a reader give readings, the same emotional reaction occurs, and the benefits of it. It was like watching myself watching myself in action. It was a real moment for me, to see this man in action, and see bits of myself in it. How the truth when it is spoken so stern from a place of love, can be so healing, if one is willing to accept it.

Buck attributes his talents, by relating with a skiddish horse, as a scared little boy he once was, hiding in the shadows despite the appearance of being raised as a child in the spotlight. Buck speaks about his past, as a stepping stone to what he is today, detailing acts of abuse, that most would find bitterness from. He in essence would say, he has seen the darkness and the demons, but by being in the darkness, he learned what can appear to be dark, is merely only fear.

“These horses are the most sensitive of creatures, feeling everything from a slight gesture of your body” If you smell like a big mac, and you want to put the left over caucus of a dead animal on your horse, I would say that takes a lot of trust” 

His comment left both, me and my partner in stitches, but with a fresh perspective of how this man can understand how an animal would feel, when he himself for many years felt like one as well.  It struck me in ways, as I too can relate to his story, being the daughter of a woman who was mentally ill, and suffering years of abuse both physical and sexual from it. Learning from those many moments, and how to tap into a higher power, that would give me the talent to touch others in the same way I was nurtured.

Buck continues to explain how the stud, if not left to its own devices, and treated with special care, the horse could have possibly been the most gentlest of creatures, not smart, because of the brain damage, but a loving horse. When asked by one of the spectators, how it is you could be so patient and not treat the horse like a looser, and close the door. Buck replied that thought< “I would never consider, because it is not the horse who failed, but the owner who failed it.

Buck then begin to recount his story of abuse, and how he often acted like that scared animal, he knew what it felt like to feel alone, and skiddish of the world. But we all have choices to make. The past is the past, we cannot live in the past, and be in the moment, otherwise the moment is never lived. I have  seen dark things in my life, but all of us have things to carry, and so that is irrelevant. But what we do with them is what makes the difference”

The film did not continue with the story of the studs owner. But one would assume by the relevance of the moment, a seed was dropped, and in all hope she cultivated the seed.

We all have demons and darkness, within us, around us, and apart of us. The demons being everywhere, each time you feel the need to be nasty to your local store clerk, that demon weighing heavily on your heels, never leaves us. But to know darkness, is to feel the light. And we can see the magic of our very being and what we have to contribute, from reaching deep inside ourselves. Some say it is the tortured ones who understand this the most, for all pride is stripped from them, standing fresh with a coat of humility for all the world to see.

I would tend to have to agree..

Much love

Misty Dawn

 “

Where are you Christmas?

My son, the inquisitor, asked me the other day What is Christmas mom?  The irony is when he asked this question, I was on the phone with my Reiki Master, elaborating on the very subject at hand. He said to me it seems Christmas is a big puzzle, like god. Just when you think you understand it in one moment, then, in the  next you don’t.  I laughed at the abstract value of his question, even asking myself how do I explain something to him, that even most adults can’t understand for themselves.  Each year we celebrate a day based on a Christian Holiday, to give homage to a man(jesus) who was the example of love towards our fellow-man. Yet as our history dictates, this day was taken from a Pagan holiday, and has little to do with Christianity. I do not argue this point. For to me it is meaningless as to how the day was created, or its origin, but the reason as to why it was created, and why we celebrate it.  I only add this tid bit of information to show the complexity of a day, that we eagerly celebrate, based on an idea, that different belief systems have generated. Some call it Hannaka, others call it the Winter Solstice, Quanza, and many others, either way we celebrate it.

For one brief second I paused, thinking upon how would I answer this question. For the subject of Christmas, was just as complex as the subject of love. And before I could utter a word, my son seeing the struggle inside of me to answer, began to formulate more questions, validating his own lack of clarity on the subject.

It seems, he said that Christmas is about giving. And I know it’s about Jesus, but how did Santa Claus become apart of it? I thought i knew, he said, but then Santa Claus isn’t even real, and that isn’t his real name. His real name is Nicholas, and he was once a man, who lived and gave to the children. But then how is it that he flys on reindeer? And how can we say, that we believe in Christmas, to celebrate it, when we know Santa Claus isnt real? And how do we know that Jesus was real, or is he just like Santa Claus, something we created, so as to celebrate a day, that we dont even know what its about?

I laughed, as a nervous mom would, with an infusion of pride for my son, in asking such big questions, that most eight year olds dont even question, and go with the flow, of gift giving. He wanted to know. For to him it was important, as to give meaning as to why he was celebrating it.

For almost three years now, I have been in a relationship with a man, who was raised as a Jehovah’s witness. And each year, I have struggled, with his general disregard of Christmas day, as I have tried to push my ideas upon him for the sake of providing a Christmas for my children. And each year, as I have done so, I have seen the making of my own illusions surface. For Christmas day, wasnt about Jesus for me, or Santa Claus, but to heal  past wounds for all the Christmases, I had seen, without one trace of magic. My family was poor, and so at a young age, the myth of Santa Claus was not afforded to me. The harsh reality that Santa Claus wasnt real would be from over hearing the adults talking in frustration how they weren’t going to be able to buy presents for the kids. I remember those moments, and the tense feeling in the air, each year as the month of December would be upon us. And many times even dreaded as Christmas would approach, for fear of the disappointment, I would encounter. The luster of Christmas was lost for me, as I would return to school, listening to the kids recount all the presents they received, feeling as if salt was being rubbed in my wounds. I remember that feeling, as if  I wasnt worthy enough to receive presents.

As an adult, I did not want the same for my own children, and so each year, no matter the circumstances, I would make sure my children would have stacks of presents under the tree.  This year, I felt the diminishing of my own expectations, upon a day I had in the previous years emphasized. And in doing so, the real spirit of Christmas surfaced for me.

I explained to my child, that Christmas really isnt any other important day then the next. That Christmas is only a message, as to how we should be each and every day to everyone. That it is the one day out of the whole year, where it is commonly accepted to take the day off, and celebrate not the act of giving gifts, but to know that everything in your life is a gift. Santa Claus, is a mythical figure taken from the real man, Saint Nicholas who celebrated his common man, by giving to those who are unfortunate, as he did with all the children. He was an orphan, a man who lost his family at a young age, and was taken in by many villagers to raise. In his appreciation of what they had given to him, he gave back by making toys for all the children who had become his own brothers and sisters. He chose the Christmas Holiday, because this is the day in which was celebrated for the birth of Christ (Christmas) For christ too, was a Saint, who gave to his fellow-man, many gifts, (love) and the message of love. It matters not if he was real or not, as some would argue he wasnt. What matters is the idea presented, the spirit of giving. Christmas does not have to be, nor is it about one day. But unfortunately we sometimes do not take time to celebrate, unless an empahsis is placed upon it for us to do so. As you have a spirit, that you cannot see, you still know its real. You believe it to be real, not because you can touch it, but because you can feel it, within your own being. It isnt Christmas to be celebrated, or Santa Claus, or Jesus, but the spirit of Christmas. The spirit of Christmas is real, for it lives within us, as we all want to do good, and be good, and give to another, to show, and demonstrate acts of kindness and love.

As complex as this may sound, as I explained it to my son, he understood this more than he did a man named Jesus, or Santa Clause, or any of the other belief systems we have generated, and so did I. For this year, my own belief systems as to what Christmas is, absolved me of guilt, and hurt I have carried for many years.  And this didnt become any more clearer, until me and my Son loaded bags of presents in our car, to give to a orgnaization who protect the abused (Safe Space) I this year, gave back to the child I once was. Remembering what it was like to have very little control, and relying on adults who could not provide me the magic. This year I would be that adult who helped provide the magic for a an unfortunate child,both me and my son would play host as Santa Claus ourselves, honoring the real tradition of Christmas. As we pulled up to the secluded place, heavily guarded by gates, and security, we understood what Christmas was really about, both he and I, feeling the puddle of our hearts fuse together in one glance to each other, silent without words. And as I drove away, leaving the imprinted image of happy smiles, so did I leave behind the imprint of my own lost smile so many years ago. I found myself very blessed this year in abundance, and was able to give back in a big way, clearing myself of the cobwebs, formulated in my own psyche, and letting go of years of hurt, and the expectation of a Christmas I felt I needed to provide for my own children. Freeing Christmas of the choke hold I had placed upon it, that had created more struggle than joy. It made me think, as to how many people live in this place. And that christmas for many has lost its meaning, as we are lost trying to find our way, as to what it means to us as individulas, and not what has been thrusted upon us by our upbringing and politically correct social standing.

This year as my partner, a child once raised as a Jehovah witness, shopped in a heavily filled mall for presents for his nephew ridden with cancer, understood what Christmas was about too. It wasnt about his principles, his beliefs, his stubbornness, to celebrate a day he believed to be contrived, and commercialized, but to let go of his own beliefs, so as to celebrate what little life his nephew may have, on a day that is about the magic of giving.  He gave, by letting go, too.

Christmas day we all surrounded a brightly lit tree. My son, understanding the principles of gift giving, painted a keep sake box for his sister, with a picture of her as a child on the top of it. My daughter, 19 years of age, made homemade cards, for both me and my partner, enbossed by glitter, and a mosaic of pictures upon it. We  opened our presents, some were homemade, some came from a heavily commercialized mall. Both having an equal value of another.  And after the presents were opened, we then sat around the dinner table with a festival of food, taking time to talk, to be compassionate, loving, and soft, celebrating our time together, as it is always fleeting. The magic was in the air,and the feeling as if time had stopped, lingered, so as to feel it, see it, and taste it. This year, many beliefs, ideas were integrated, and taken apart. We encompassed it all, by letting go, of our own perception, and taking on another. This year, the spirit of Christmas, that seems lost, as we all fight to understand what Christmas is, was found, on homemade gifts, commercialized gifts, a visit to a sick boy with cancer, bags of gifts given to the unfortunate, and the loss of all ideas formulated upon a day, that wars are fought over. There was no religion, no belief systems to stand as a wall between us. It was free and flowing..

Where are you Christmas, you were found.

Much love

Misty Dawn

The secret beyond, The Secret

We have all read it.  Most of us, who have seen ourselves awakened, have began to unfold the pages of what it means to “manifest our reality.”  We think about all the steps, procedures, as if we are skilled surgeons, strategically plucking out all of what we deem to be  “Undesirable Thinking,” to  bring us into the state of attaining what we want in a physical form. (The secret)

 “If I think about having that new shiny red car, I will manifest it”

 “If I believe, and picture myself in that shiny red car, then it becomes real”

 “If what I believe is real to me in the imagery of my mind, it is  real”

                                                                                                      (The Secret)

Yet when we are thinking upon such things(what it is we wish to create) have we ever asked ourselves’ why we want to create it? And more importantly what is the consequences if I do?

A New Shiny Red Car, seems to be the immediate solution to the ridicule you suffer from your peers, for sporting an Old Pick Up Truck to work. But what other headaches, besides a wounded ego, are you willing to embrace? Such as the escalation of ones insurance, or the taxes, or the fact that shiny red cars are like beacons on the highway for every cop to pull  you over, if you exceed ten miles past the speed limit. Not to mention what it is you negate from your life. Like those weekly treats you give to yourself at your local Sushi Restaurant, or those fabulous days of shoe shopping.

We must considerthe Universal purpose of creating balance, before acting upon what we want to manifest. 

For everything we create, we also  un-create

As in,  the sole purpose of the Universe is to restore balance, in its creation. Where there is drought, there is rain. Where you are creating the scenario of a “New Shiny Red Car” in your life, you are also un-creating your ability to financially sustain yourself, or even worst yet, not finding the real essence of what you seek, a partner in life. Instead you have made your new partner A  New Shiny Red Car.

Of course some could argue, in saying, the new shiny red car, is what is going to attract a significant mate to me. But then ask yourself, would you really want someone who is concerned about status, or the substance of who you are? And honestly if you have to think about that answer, then you may need to make a list of priorities.

And lets’ not forget, that the “Secret” did not indicate, which is, We are CO-Creators..

Yes folks that means, we are ultimately here to learn our lessons. And if our lesson is to learn what it means to be humble, by driving an Old Ford Pick Up Truck to work everyday, then that shiny red car isn’t a part of the journey, and neither are your thoughts in trying to obtain it

And this goes with everything else:  relationships, expectations, prosperity, peaceful thinking, and overcoming pain…

. It all comes back to the lesson of who you are and where you are internally. There is such a thing as the “immovability of Energy” and this in of itself, not being able to change it, “operates as the lesson.”

As I listen to the tone of the new age hype, I find myself wanting to become much more bolder, louder, and stronger, despite the age of submission, and peace, as it often feels like a hindrance to my emotions!!!

I have seen so many turn away from the traditional forms of religion, feeling trapped in its dogma only to formulate more dogma  to live under. But instead of calling it “Sin”, giving it the title “Karma”

To me this is the equivalent of leaving one prison, that is cold and dingy, to move into the next prison, that is warm and has nice flowery print curtains on its walls. Call it what you will, it is still a prison with a nicer ambiance.

The other day a friend I had not spoken too in months called me and as she heard the tone of my voice said,”wow you seem to be in a much better place.”  Months ago when she spoke with me, my frustration had escalated in a high as I was taking all the steps needed to secure my child’s future both academically and emotionally. And although through my anger and frustration it could be perceived as quote “being in a bad place” it was more like I was in the place I needed to be at the time. For it was not going to be the submissive peaceful nature of my being, that was going to awaken the hierarchy of red tape pass the buck system  to get the attention my child needed.

No it was going to take the brutal blow of the goddess “Kali” the destroyer, to invade upon the walls of my suppressor. And so with my weapon in hand, my anger, my love as a frustrated mom for my child, I stood my ground, and challenged anyone around me to undermine my efforts. Within a few short months of making my intent direct, and hard, my son finally received the help he needed. As soon as I felt the clearing happening, I let go of my goddess “Kali” and called upon the peaceful dynamic of my being “Kwan Yin”

In our being, we have all of these wonderful dynamics of energy, representing a tool, in which to use in our daily lives. We as intuitive beings, have to be willing to trust, what dynamic arises in each moment, and recognize its purpose. For we cannot catch butterflies with a hammer, nor break down a wall, using a butterfly. There are times, in which to take action, and there are times in which not to. But in each passing moment, we have to be willing to accept the divine, that acts both as the nurturer and the destroyer.

My friend now more so comfortable with the peaceful aspect of my being, declared me to be in a better place

My mental brainwashing wanted to confirm yes she was correct,  but it had nothing to do with being in a better place, as much as it had to do with me letting go of what it meant to be seen or perceived as being in a good or bad place from myself and from others.

“And from this letting go(  this lack of questioning myself of how my nature should be) is where the peace was created”

I stopped questioning my thoughts, as seeing them as a creation of my reality,

but more so asked myself what made me happiest? Was I happy when constantly in question of what I was thinking?

Was I creating what I really truly wanted?

And better yet by being in a constant question of my thoughts, seeing them as of a lower or higher vibrational energy was this not in fact creating fear!!

How in this thinking, of being careful what I think, any different, then to say “Sex before Marriage is a sin, or Same sex Relationships is an abomination of God, and the sacred union of Marriage?  Either way it still creates fear. Fear of not having the “correct thoughts, placing blame on yourself for doing so. Seeing yourself as not being able to create what it is that you desire, and feeling the perpetuated state of being a victim or abandoned by god.

The whole concept of be “mindful of your thoughts” in its abstract form as a whole is correct. However being human we are not always going to have thoughts of just of a loving nature, even though it all comes from love

As love can be seen in so many ways. A bitch who seems like a bitch, because she speaks her truth, from loving herself. A man who cheats on his wife, because he knows no other way to move out of the black hole of complacency his life resides in. Lost people who make quote “bad decisions, as they fight their way out of the paper bag we see as being wrong.

Yet at closer inspection we see that Spirituality is the fight out of the paper bag. It’s the essence of waking up to who we truly are. Being the creator the destroyer, the lover and the hater, while loving ourselves regardless. It is not a matter of creating something physical, being mindful of our thoughts so we can overcome pain and suffering. It is embracing our pain and suffering. Purging ourselves of our emotions, of hate, anger, and not suppressing them for fear of being judged or judging ourselves to be non-loving.

So often we set ourselves up for this disappointment in these crucial moments of our awakening, thinking that to be awakened means to be happier, or of a joyful premise.

No its mean to love ourselves when we are with joy, and without it. To see that in the emptiness we have all we need, and in the fullness we feel no needing of being nothing but as is.

Detachment of our identity, re-creates how we see ourselves, living in this world, and therefore changes the world itself.

It is in our strength and our ability to be vulnerable we become the examples the demonstrators of what it means to love ourselves. It is not a narcissism, it is not a quest. It is how we see ourselves in a loving nature, bringing us back to the bosom of creation, and our own reflection.

There is no way to beat the universe, to supersede where we stand. We can only love where we are at as we stand,.For at least we do stand. In our ability of letting go so to do we lose the judgment of what it means to be lost. And with nothing to define what lost is, we are found

Truly found in the presence of hope, and despair as we see the un-veiling of the reality we truly live in.

Much love

Misty