To go where love grows

I am a person that before making a decision I struggle with, I always ask myself how am I making this decision. Where is the intent of its delivery? I do so because this only leaves room for my own accountable actions, and not blame of anything else. It also serves as a window where me as the I (the ultimate observer being the divine, or spirit is able to look at it with the perspective as a whole and not segregated parts of my being. It is important to me and is apart of my daily spiritual practice that addresses the root of all fear.

Some fear I am aware is acceptable as a means or conditioning to keep me from places that would do me harm.

Where as other fears are just an internal dialog of my own inadequacies or insecurities drenched in doubt.

This gives me the ability to sift through, to know the fear I am not facing, and the fear that is just an illusion.

In the process of sifting, I am able to recount patterns, and pull from various places of time that has served me and has not. Some patterns are simply broken at this time, and others are saved for a later date. I know its only a matter of time before that too breaks free from its cage.

What I have found is that every time my mind struggles to catch up with what my heart already knows, I feel the battle within. I go through these phases of expansion and contraction, where the literal push-pull of myself is the pain I have inflicted to justify the imbalance of what I am feeling. Especially if the very decision I know to make is going to push me into a place of being uncomfortable, without knowing where the next step may lead me. As much as I am a very intuitive individual, I am just as pragmatic. This helps me to adhere to the balance of both worlds, and is a great asset as much as it is a curse. For too often what we know in the heart makes no sense to the world or the mind.

I am also a very passionate being, who speaks freely, and often makes decisions that would take many years to make. What seems like a lifetime to me is a few short minutes to another. It is how I have found myself moving so quickly. Seeing every relationship I have encountered as a karmic dance leading me to the next spiritual lesson. Yet the very lessons I was encountering was showing me how to go where love grows. Where god is. Through my lover, my friends, my clients, my children, my spiritual practice.

All of it in tandem play as a mirror of my relationship with the divine.

I have often said in our questions god stirs. As much as we need to be standing in a place of being in the “Know” not being in the “Know” has just as much value. By not knowing we leave room for god to know. There is a pause, and in this pause god speaks. You can call it breath, or the inhaling of god. But it is there in every moment second of our lives to witness when we as the ultimate power mongers reach a place of no power. The cup that was once full, to be emptied, and full again, through the grace of the divine, or the universal power in its complete expression of love. It gives to us feeds us nourishing our very souls.

What I find to be interesting is that I always have to be affirmed from this power, because as I have been told from many of my fellow brother and sisters, I look too deeply into the perception of others. I have been called a “Crusader” because of this. The one who is not fearful of going into battle to oppose those who would take action from a place without love, hurting another. To stand on top of the fence and not behind it, or with one leg straddling both sides.

My son who I will always say is my greatest teacher has been a mirror to me. He is a child of great love, and because of this love he is often too passionate about his endeavors to the point of being destructive to his own being with his often zealous self-righteous actions. I have watched as he has taken on bully after bully in the neighborhood for a person whom he would call “friend, and have had to console his tears when that very “friend” left him to fend for himself by the very same bullies he defended them from. He cried in my arms screaming the unfairness of the world. How could it be that in his intent of demonstrating love for his fellow brother would be wrong? These are hard lessons for a child, and still better yet even harder for an adult to learn, and to teach.

Often many times when we stand in the position of being the teacher in the intent of love, we are not speaking from a place that is of sound mind, but of sound heart. I heard myself say to my child what spirit or god was also speaking to me. “To go where love grows”

Do not see it as your job, I said to my son to be the one who always fights for others as showing love, and see your efforts as meaningless when that love is not given back.
Know that in your intent of being of love, is the love you are, and that is the love you are being given as well. You can’t be the bull trying to force your way into the heart of someone who does not want to see you or recognize your efforts. And you can’t blame or place judgment on them or yourself by feeling what you have done is wrong through their reaction.

Why did you fight for your friend I asked? Because he is my friend, because I care, and no one should just bully another, my son said. So do you still feel you did wrong, I asked my son. No, he said. Then why is their reaction of what you did make you feel wrong, that you need to judge them as being wrong? If it is your need of wanting to be right, then how can you be coming from a place of love? It is only wrong to you because you do not feel the same love being given back. It’s like planting a flower. Would you plant a flower where the sun does not shine or in sand? No he said. Then don’t plant your flower in the places where you know it is not going to grow, and don’t be angry because there is shade. That shade protects you from too much sun.

So my son learned, as did I.

Even adults I told him have to deal with bullies. We just have different titles for them. Some in their perspective call it government, bosses, corporate america, foreign countries, others our judicial system, religious leaders, and the Joneses.  For me its often the people driving on the road. lol.. Man some drivers really piss me off with their complete disregard and respect for fellow drivers. But that is another story to tell at a later date I am sure..

It is only judgement when our decisions are made from a place of being right and others perceived as wrong. It is love, when we accept that not everyone is going to see the beauty of the seeds we give, because not everyone stands in the same place as we as individuals do in our own journey.

Our job is to go where love grows.

To go where god leads us. The love we feel be it through relationships people, and varying dynamics of our life is the indicators of the many bread crumbs being left on our path to find our way back to the bosom of the divine. To be at the core of our very heart centers growing from this place in the expansion of what god is. The energy of the divine is forever expanding and employs just as any good partner would to expand with it. When we do not expand, flowing where love is, we contract, and through this contraction we feel the shake of our ground. It is the little earthquakes of god delivering its message to us, speaking through every element around us. To lead us back to our hearts and not our minds.

It matters not what we see to be an injustice to the fabric of life. The injustices of the world are the very catalysts that bring awareness to those who do not act from a place of loving themselves and others.

It gives us perspective so that we may practice discernment and not judgement. And to know that through anything we view as being as an injustice is only showing us where the shade is and the sun.

To know where love grows, and where to plant our flowers.

Everything shows us our relationship with god. You cannot say you have lost hope and faith in man, but declare a relationship with the divine. God is man. God is the light within each and every one of us, and the darkness. The shade and the sun. You cannot declare one to be a liar, or deceptive if you have not first looked at the liar within yourself. Have you deceived yourself by an illusion or lie you are living? It is easy to cast blame when we are standing in a place where love does not grow. But it is hard to follow the bread crumbs to the sun, without blaming the shade for taking its place. We get angry by the things that don’t come easy. See our work as more pain we should not have to endure.

We always have to be willing to experiment with our life. By seeing it as an experiment we know that everything is in a constant unraveling of self. Then our lives are not work but play.Just little children playing with the toys god has provided.

We ask ourselves why are there walls everywhere I go. Because that wall is protecting you from where you do not need to be. Love does not grow there, so why would you ask why there is a wall?

To know the injustice or the justice? And that through your very question, your pause is when the divine speaks and often the only way you will listen.

“Go where love grows” See the doors that are opening, and closing. For I am the shade and the sun.

Much love to all

Misty

The Paradox of Peace

 

What a paradox it is when we look at peace from another perspective. Absolutely we all want peace, but at what expense? My soul? Often peace is just a guise of conformity and/or a fear of confrontation. The truth is most will sacrifice anything for the sake of comfort. Yet comfort is only a Band-Aid covering a deep gaping wound within us all. Being pushed out of our comfort zones is where real growth begins, and so too does our expansion with the divine. We can learn another way, but not until we are willing to let go of our comforts and not judge our pain as an absence of god. God uses any tool available to communicate to us. It’s simply a matter of how can you be reached. Possibly through your anger if you are a passive soul who likes the comfort of peace or maybe love because you do not judge what peace is. God communicates every day, how you want to be communicated with is your choice. Do you hide behind a veil of love and light while building a fortress around your heart to protect you from the very people you claim to love? If so, than god will show you darkness, to confront the illusion. For only in fear do we build such a fortress. Do you need your tree shook to bear the fruit, then god will appear to shake it. Come forth in the shape of a man or a woman, or as justice to steal your freedom away. To show you love and cut you from the knees so you may fall and bleed from your heart. The divine is the yin and the yang, the adverse opposite of everything. We do not see it, while still having the illusive grip on what peace is. Peace is not without struggle, if there is struggle within you. Peace is not without pain, if there are levels of pain you struggle with. When you see there is no struggle only love, then your advisory is the bitch that you are or need to become. The one who shouts while you whisper when you are without a voice, or when your voice is too loud. Peace is within every war waged, lost and won. So what you do not confront today is what you will face tomorrow. You cannot hide from it, to think you can is arrogant. You are not smarter or wiser than god. You cannot manipulate your actions by your initial reaction. Your cannot be somewhere else other than where you are. No matter how much you swim in denial. God sees you and only asks the question of how do you wish to see god?

The Rider, and the Horse

As of lately, I have found myself in a funky place. And no I don’t mean funky as in “play that funky music white boy,” I mean a place of feeling discontent. Sometimes I can look at my horoscope, or even draw conclusion from the fact its a full moon, and feel my more melodramatic side take a prominent stand, but this discontent wasn’t at all like that.  It was more like the discontent of feeling satisfied in myself, but feeling the discontent of others, how they react or even communicate to me (the external mirrors of self)

We have our internal mirror, the one in which how we view ourselves to be from the inside, and the external mirror of the world, in which how we view ourselves to be in the eyes of another, or many. Often these perceptions can contradict one another, as we can be very misleading to who we really are, by the actions we take, being viewed by the lens of the world. This then begins an unraveling of sorts, where self-doubt, and questioning takes hold of us in a most powerful grip of introspection. I look at these moments as forks in the road. Where the path I am currently walking, can be explored in a deeper way, or shifted into something else.   Almost like deciding to take vows with another, you instead are taking vows with yourself.  The only difference is, there cannot be any expectations to the outcome, once you decide.

“How do you choose to experience yourself?

Yesterday, I spent three hours on the phone, talking with my Reiki Master, explaining to her some of the dynamics playing out in my life, and how I was feeling. After hearing me talk, she explained to me, that I was standing at a “crossroads”

My Reiki Master, a beautiful patient, compassionate loving woman, who can listen intently, but then dive the message home, with her metaphorical butt whippings, posed a question to me, of why I, an obvious”extrovert” chose a mentor who is for the most part an  “introvert”

I found this to be such a ridiculous question to me, but a valid one for her to ask from me. I told her that when I speak to her, I feel no expectation of how I should be.

How refreshing it is to me, to feel accepted just as I am. . You see me, and can recognize where I am standing is neither good, nor bad, that it just happens to be where I am standing, and you illuminate where it is that I am standing, so as to empower me, in that illumination. I care not that you are an introvert, extrovert, someone who has written many books, or a little old lady with a million cats, cut off from society. It is from this feeling with you, being accepted, and not judged, that I use this same means to communicate with the world.

I have seen my fair share of “spiritual leaders” preaching positive thinking to others,  to get a leg up in their own lives, from standing on the backs of others, exploiting their fear of not being accepted as they are. I have also seen great spiritual leaders who in their positive thinking do not judge what positive thinking is, and show only acceptance. These are the people far and few between.

A horse, is one that is being driven by the rider, and it competes, with its rider, by running faster, from the whip. That horse runs, for the sake of being ridden,  knowing it’s purpose,much like the ego drives us to perform, and accomplish great tasks. What would happen, if instead we became the horse with no rider, nothing to drive us, just chewing on the grass, or running with an the oceans current.

The question we all must ask ourselves, in one time or another of our lives, is

Do we want to be the rider, or the horse?

Either one has a significant role, and one needs the other in convenience, as the rider needs the horse to prevent from walking, and the horse needs the rider, so as to have a purpose to be ridden. But when the two began to realize both are capable of being just as they are, the horse, will chew on the grass, running  for the adventure, and the rider, will know what it means, to go a great distance walking on foot.

Because of our strive for the pursuit of happiness, we place boundaries upon ourselves as to what this happiness should feel like, and look like. We pick apart at these very things, as we are always wanting more of this ecstasy feeling, that validates we are standing in a good place, and see the accomplishments we have made by doing so. (this is the ego) And it is not a bad thing, it is simply the whip that keeps us running, motivated to perform at the race. By performing, we feel glorious, a show horse, beautiful and at the peak of our prime, pampered through our performance, and admired for all we do. But the trade-off is that in the admiration of others, we always have to keep running, and performing, so as to sustain our image of being a winner.

We cannot say, this doesn’t feel good, or we are simply not thirsty for this feeling, as it is the very validation in ourselves as to how we are performing, and learning in our lives.

But what would happen, if we just became the horse who chews upon the grass? Would we care not how we are viewed? Would we care not that as a horse it is in our nature to defecate wherever we stand, and it matters not that we trow upon it…lol.. What a mental picture I get when describing this, but I think to myself how incredibly freeing this would be.  To just be.. That instead of taking great lengths to be seen as good, loving, successful, we instead take our steps as a mean of finding the next patch of grass to chew upon. The next great winding road to run upon, just for the feel of running, and not performing.

These have been the questions I have asked myself. So i can see that it is not that I have been in a funk, as that was me making judgement upon myself for not being my happy self. But that I have been questioning the validity of myself (internal mirrors) versus the validity of myself in the (external mirrors) and asking myself which one holds more weight.

I know that each and every one of us, has this feeling. And we smile, sending out love, being loving, so as to receive more love. Again not a bad thing, but what becomes so very apparent to me, as how we are so willing to smile, be loving, excluding our feelings in this scenario, so as to be loved by others,(performing)negating our own acceptance(of just being)

Much love to all…

Misty